This was a challenge to myself today, "Heather, if you experienced this sense of ease all the time, would you truly appreciate it?" Though my head knows the answer to this one, my heart needed to let it settle in. You see, I want that sense of peace ALL THE TIME! In fact, when things get slightly off kilter, I want to fix it immediately, and get right back to peaceful-road. I like ease, comfort, a sense that everything is going well. I like consistency, I like routine, I like predictability, I like same-same. The problem - life is all about change.
Example: my/our blog. Aaron came to me one night and asked, "What do you think about combining our blogs?" My end-of-the-day-answer, "Sure, why not." He ever-so-passionately went on to explain how he envisions the possibilities of God using both our individuality and our unity as a married couple to write about our journey together. Several sweet comments later, it was complete confirmation. Now enter issue.... change. You see, Aaron uses wordpress, I use blogger. Just to give you a little insight, I'm the girl who has this cell phone with massive capabilities, I use it to simply answer and dial out. I have this IPOD, haven't a clue how to download anything, I just press the shuffle button (AAron's already downloaded for me). I have this computer with massive memory, I use it for email and blogging. See a trend? I stick with something that "works for me" and I don't change. Ask my friend Jen, she's been patiently waiting for me to use quicken for my bills, I still write everything down every month.
SO, my dilemma - How do I change? When can I learn this new system? Should I think about changing what I write? Should we write, perhaps a series together? Should I even write at all? All these and more came pouring into my head about the same time, threatening to boil over... enter my ever so patient husband. Let's just say, I didn't even recognize my tone until he responded in a way I wasn't prepared for... silence. Guess what came next? A run. Guess what God and I talked about? You guessed it, something else to burn-off and refine, my stubborn resistance to change. I'm learning along the way, that it's all the little things that add up to the big. In fact, we so often wait for the BIG that we don't even recognize it until we deal with the little. My revelation today - my recognition of a precious gift he ordained for me - my husband.
So often I've wondered and prayed about the possibility of a way we could serve the Lord together. I sense a draw towards women's ministry and Aaron to men's. We've served in different capacities separately, yet there is a wonder, connection, and passion that ensues when using your unique strengths together in a way that multiplies when paired up. Also, the Lord is leading my man. My job, and my joy (when I allow it)- follow his lead, join with him, Arms Wide Open. Recently, the Lord has open opportunities and in his divine timing, is allowing this to happen currently. We are running together, in a community group together, and now serve to write whatever he lays on our hearts. It's a humbling call. My attitude today - spat in the face of this prayer request, I'm sure somewhat deflated the man of our home, and served to justify my independent attitude of "what works for me". I recognized it, I confessed, and repented. That profound, that simple. Jesus died for it, and now I can move on in freedom, renewed and refreshed from a great run with my personal God, the rock on which I stand.
Lord, I thank you for providing the opportunity and the means to spend a wonderful weekend with my husband. Lord, as we ran that last mile together, on that beautiful Saturday morning... it was hard. As we came to the end of ourselves, praying for strength and reminding ourselves of the temporary weariness our bodies were experiencing, you carried us through. Afterwards, we both admitted of our tendency to look for the "easy way out", to stop our aching legs, to will that finish line to approach now, yet it was in that time of impossible that only you carried us through to our temporary end. In fact, shortly after, we laughed as we eased into a comfortable seat, munching on some post-race goodies, that we couldn't quite recall what we even begged for moments ago. Lord, without those times, we wouldn't know you as intimately as we do. Lord, may we pray as it mentions it James, to see joy in the trials. Lord, thank you for my life-long running partner. You've created us each so uniquely different. Please help me to continue to love, respect, and cherish those differences, when all I want is the "same" of what I know in me. Give me your eyes for just one second....
I love you.
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