Grateful

I woke up this morning, with a strange sensation. Ever have one of those nights experiencing weird dreams? I seem to be experiencing several lately, yet last night's dream was very unique. I don't recall too many details since that first awakened moment, but I do remember watching people. I remember sensing the moment as one of people partaking in a religious ceremony of some sorts. I can tell you about the empty, blank looks on the faces of each person. I watched as they went through the motions of this ceremony of sorts, and left with that same hollow look. People kept entering and leaving, all with lifeless body language. It was at that moment I awoke and my mind's thoughts went right to Jesus, "I am so grateful to have you Jesus." My emotions were so stirred that I experienced tears. Tears that could only express what my words could not. No coincidence it's Christmas Eve morning. Thank you Jesus for some precious moments this morning before my mind was even fully awake. You complete me.

After more reflection, I could have a gratitude list a mile long this morning, but of all the things to list today, I am most grateful to hear the voices of two sweet girls and one grown up man coming from the basement. They are interacting while they play "restaurant". The voices belong to our daughters and their Papa. Aaron's parents arrived from Houston last night, and we couldn't be more grateful. Family, as imperfect as we all are, somehow means just that much more on Christmas.

Jesus, I do want to thank you for one other moment I just experienced today. As cinnimon rolls were baking in the oven, I laced up my shoes to spend a few more moments with you. As my legs were burning, yet my soul filled with joy, I am overwhelmed with answered prayer. Just as I uttered my confession to you as I made my bed, asking to guard my heart, my words, and my attitude, you spoke forth in kindness to my husband and encouragement in a disappointing situation.

Lord, you fill me completely, and that is where I want to reside. My physical limitations pulled me off course yesterday, yet you actualy welcome my thoughts and allow me to leave them with you. As a result, my heart is open and ready to hear from you, walk with you, and even run with you as my flesh wants what it wants. As the train was passing on the tracks this morning, I anticipated waiting for it to leave, stopping my run, yet my body kept moving forward at a quick pace. I remember uttering, "Lord I trust in your plan," and I watched as I approached it, closer and closer - 8 yards, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, train passes, 2 arms go up, 1, and through I go never needing to break my stride. THAT is all you Lord. I see you all around. I am forever, eternally grateful.

A desire to experience Him

Lately, I've found myself nearing the end of the evening, yet anticipating something... time. Time spent with my Jesus. I look forward to curling up with Him, reading from my current location, the book of John, praying, journaling, and/or picking up a book (or two) from an ongoing stack that's accumulating next to my "Jesus time" chair. Through the course of our "we-thought-we-would-be-moving, move", some much needed de-cluttering/re-organizing took place, and I envisioned a little nook of sorts where I could gather my materials and thoughts for those sit-down moments with Him. Do you have a designated area? It's made a world of difference for me, a place I pass several times as day. It's a daily reminder.

Okay, least you think I have it all together, I don't. If I have at any time portrayed the notion that every day is a "running holiday" in the Conrad home, I do apologize. My heart's desire is to simply share a few ideas/thoughts that the Lord has guided me to, and to hopefully encourage you that if this ordinary sinner can overcome, learn, and grow, you can too! My point tonight is this - to simply pass on a thought that, to me, is SO simple, yet often times overlooked - how we "feel" leads our daily decisions. But where do these fleeting feeling lead?

In her book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, Lysa Terkeurst writes, "When I process life through my feelings, I am left deceived and disillusioned. When I process life through God's truth, I am divinely comforted by His love and made confident in His calling on my life." Again, such a great reminder that I need to make an intentional choice with my head, knowing that my heart will eventually follow. Just as in running, there is a choice. Some days my runs are easier, but never are they effortless. Each mile - each and every step - is a choice. In order to sustain this choice, my physical body needs food for energy and life. To sustain my soul, I need time with the Lord for sustenance as well.

We have a heart cry that only Jesus can satisfy. "God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved," (Colossians 3:12) "...you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world" (John 15:19). Noticed. Picked for a specific reason - a specific purpose. Treasured. Loved. If we attempt to fill this need from the world, we will be disappointed every time. If I hold out a cup to my husband, to my children, to my family, to my friends, and plead for them to fill me up, I'll find myself going back for more each and every time. Why? We're all human, we all sin, we all mess up, we all "don't see it"; we were made to worship our Creator, not His creations.

Lysa sums it up so well,

Becoming more than a good Bible study girl means never settling for needing to feel our way to God or to limit our experiences of Him to those few minutes we call our quiet time. It's being able to sit in the noise of the arena of life with every worldly distraction imaginable bombarding you and suddenly thinking of Him - talking with Him, smiling with Him, and realizing that every longing you've ever had in life to be more that just the girl in row 116, section R, seat 24 is already filled. By Him. The One who chooses you.

My favorite question for my youngest during the day is, "Do you know that Mommy loves you?" She'll usually pause, smirk, and say, "Yes." Not two seconds later, I'll repeat the question, "Brynn, do you know that Mommy loves you?" A bit bigger smirk, and the response, "Yes." Depending on the moment, I may repeat it again. My point - I never want her to forget, or worse yet, doubt. I want my children to know that Mommy loves them, no matter what.

Do you know that Jesus loves you? Do you know that Jesus loves you? Do you know that Jesus loves you?

What is your excuse?

Today was one of those mornings. As I rose from bed at 6:30 am, on a Saturday, my thoughts went something like this, "You are crazy. Who would choose to be doing this, when it looks like that outside?" My body responded to this thought by simply moving forward. I got dressed, stretched, laced up my shoes, and headed out the door. What in your life has become part of your life by simple routine? Perhaps your body screams for more sleep and a warm bed, but your rational, and perhaps, determined thoughts, convince you otherwise? For many of us, when it comes to taking care of our bodies, perhaps in the area of exercise, we find ourselves easily swayed to follow the excuses our minds convince us of. At what point is it the "right" time? Dare I say that time may be today?

My lesson for today - my loss is His gain. If I look at what my loss might have been this morning (loss of sleep, ease of any pain, my 'right' to skip a training day because I feel like it), it seems like a minute sacrifice as to what I gained, or became blessed with. The apostle Paul said it best,

Philippians 3:8
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

For me, I have pledged to be faithful in this way, to commit to Him my obedience in "training" to run the race for Him. For me, this means for the long-haul. Until otherwise notified, I will run for him. The blessings and benefits from this are simply too long to list. What was "fresh" to be this morning, was simply the joy of running. I haven't 'felt' this for a few weeks, so I appreciated several aspects of this. It confirmed again the simple awe of being able to run, to see his creation in such a fresh way as the trees donned a white coat and snowflakes fell on my lashes, I was able to complete the daunting task of finishing an 11 mile run in the darkness of the morning, and I ran with no pain. I returned full of joy, patience, and grace that only comes from Him ready to tackle the day, even a morning full of cookie baking.

What is the ultimate privilege here? To simply be a servant of His. My family and I have experienced the amazing privilege of serving though a ministry called The Manger this week. This ministry gave us the opportunity, as a family, to be the hands of feet of Christ, an outward extension of Him as we greeted, shopped with, wrapped presents, and prayed with beautiful families experiencing a time a financial strain. Hearts were opened, lives were changed this week as they welcomed Christ into their broken hearts. There were many excuses not to go, several other 'good' activities could have replaced our time at the Manger. Not that we have it all figured it out, or can perfectly discern God's best in all situations, but we have readied our hearts to be flexible and obedient to His plan. The results? We left more blessed than any blessing we could have given. When asked at the dinner table if they wanted to serve again for the third time this past week, the kids spoke was a unanimous "yes". I cringe to think about the possibility that we could have missed out.

In looking at my Bible Study questions earlier, these passages simply touched a new place in my heart, affirming and confirming his personal touch today in "that God works all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

2 Corinthians 1:4-6

⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. ⁶If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 12:9

⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

What is your excuse today? Who's voice are you listening to? What might you be missing out on? Sometimes it requires us to simply do the next thing. Perhaps it might take one simple act. Will you tie up your laces today?

A morning in Charlotte...

The graph you see above? As labeled, this is an elevation map. Aaron and I arrived at the Convention Center in Charlotte, NC last Friday night, preparing to pick up our race packets for the half-marathon race and immediately saw a T-shirt with this picture and this caption - FLAT IS FOR SISSIES. Enough said.

Yep, we're taking a whirl-wind tour of sorts - 5 races in 6 months. Some have asked me how I talked my husband into this, and I simply say, "On the contrary, it's the other way around." I am SO proud of Aaron, so thankful that the Lord has allowed us to travel this journey together, and has even brought about one of my heart's desires - to travel and "see", and that we are. Next month we fly to Phoenix, April we'll be in Nashville, May we land at the Indy 500 track, and perhaps even a re-show here in Columbus. As with anything else the Lord calls you to follow and obey, he provides it all. This would not be possible without the amazing hearts of our parents, friends, and even our live-in "teenager". I can't help but think that you might be wondering about a God-sized task in your own life. Take it from one who has a tendency to doubt and fear - the journey is completely worth it. It takes risk to trust, but the freedom that comes in knowing that the Lord's plan wins every time keeps me coming back for more - every time.

Memories of the race:

1. Waking up at 5:30 am, excited in anticipation of what the Lord had in store (no, I usually don't wake up at 5:30, let alone be excited about it.)

2. When packing, high priority - shoes, IPOD; no priority - ALL my bathrooms items. Luckily, it was a pony tail occasion and no make-up required.

3. Waiting in a warm hotel lobby, talking "race memories" with other fellow crazies before race time.

4. People - standing next to "Santa" pre-race time, getting passed by not 1, not 2, but 3 elves complete with jingle bells, a dog that barked from his porch in support, a man that yelled to the crowd, "Hey, my name is Joe, cheer for me!"

5. Signs - Breathe (I know I saw this same sign twice, just when I needed it), God 'heart' you (gave me goose bumps), a runner's shirt read, "Cheer for me, I'm getting married today."

6. I remember being separated from Aaron at a water stop, surrounded by people, and feeling as though a large part of me was missing.

7. Enjoying the downhills, preparing for the uphills.

8. Counting down the miles one by one, exciting to be nearing the finish, yet sad that it had come and gone so quickly.

9. Remembering the feeling of Aaron's hand in mine as we crossed the finish, blessed with an amazing time - 1:53.

Lord, I remember feeling disappointed at the start of the race. My body was feeling weak. I really wanted to be strong. Yet, Lord I remember telling you that I trusted in your plan for today. If this was your plan, I say again, I trust you. For I am learning, again, that in my weakness you are strong. I will take joy in this race today, thankful for the sheer ability to complete it. It's by no coincidence that I wore a shirt that stated, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I love you Jesus.

The Flying Feather

Another fabulous morning, another fabulous run. This year, we had the extreme pleasure of ropin some friends in to join us for their "first-ever" race. Friends Richard and Heidi came over bright and early, bringing along their teenager who so kindly hung out with the kids this morning. Our guest from Estonia joined us as well, calling family back home to share a play-by-play. We also met another friend there who also had invited some friends, some co-workers to join in a run before the turkey! I just love reflecting on God's ultimate plan in who He brings into our lives along life's journey. My favorite line of the morning was spoken by Richard after we completed the race and began walking back - Let's do that again! Another one catches the craziness!

I have so many things to be thankful for today, so here are just a few:

1. To share this journey with my best friend and life partner - love you Aaron!
2. To actually experience the blessing of physical strength brought about by His training and faithfulness to endure.
3. The opportunity to return home to warmth, food, and celebration with friends, old and new.
4. That my Lord has given me the ultimate gift in his son Jesus Christ, my Savior, the one who saves me from myself and my sin, and loves me enough to give me an eternal home with Him.
5. The privilege, responsibility, and command to share the good news of this gift with others.

Lord, you never cease to amaze me. In simply following Aaron's lead in choosing to wear a simple t-shirt, you allowed an opportunity to be available to a woman and her husband to approach us about a church home, your church home. What an honor to serve you today in such a seemly small way, yet perhaps a life-changing way for a family. Thank you for reminding me that you just ask us to come to you, to use what we have (be it 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread), and you alone take that and multiply it for your kingdom. Lord, today I chose in gratitude and thankfulness to see all that I "have" as a gift from you. I am one blessed girl. Happy Thanksgiving!

Comedy of Errors

Aaron and I set out for a “long” run this past Saturday. We locked and load our i-pods for 12 miles, geared up, and hit the streets to a bright blue sky, and crisp cool air. Aaron has been favoring his ankle, but with some new kicks, he’s ready to go. We somewhat cruised the first few, then it hit us. He called it the running wounded. Not sure what’s up with my hips lately, but they’re feeling every single stretch of the stride and wanting to hold back. Somehow the fight to endure wins over, and you simply keep moving. We stopped for a short rest break, check my phone, removed my jacket, and forward we pressed on.

I remember running by the same group of 3 older gentlemen, in a sign of comradery, we gave the patented wave-and nod-fly-by. We rounded the corner onto Avery, and somehow I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it. My energy level dropped significantly. Aaron’s phrase - the wheels were coming off. Though slower, my mind was at peace with simply the ability to finish. “Two more lefts,” Aaron said, and I set my sites. As we ran the upward climb on Cemetery, we reached a section of sidewalk where tree roots have won the battle over the cement blocks. My eyes were not watchful, and before I could blink, I was groaning at the thought I was soon to hit the pavement as my foot never cleared the uneven section. Definitely not graceful, but the least damage yet in my several flops and bad falls. Only a few minor abrasions on my palms, no torn pants, no tears at my knees, and an i-pod that was intact. More out of shock, I quickly brushed myself off and wanted to keep going. We survived the lights, down the hill and rounded the last turn onto Britton Parkway.

With legs burning at this point, it’s simply a fight to the finish. With about 1/2 mile to go, I saw Aaron swatting at the air. In the next moment - a fly - right into my left eye! So gross! I attempted to dislodge it, then looked at my muddy hands and knew it would have to wait - of course! This fueled my fire. If Satan was now sending flies, all the more reason to prove this battle will be won! We did finish. We did hobble/walk home. We will live to run another day. Lord, thank you for providing your strength once again. May I continue to honor you through my commitment and faithfulness to obey. You are worth it Lord, and the battle is yours.

Get out of my way!

Ever have one of those days... you find yourself behind schedule (for any number of reasons from a very lengthy list), you talk yourself into everything being "fine" by focusing on simply getting to your next destination, you've taken a breath, attempted to act like a mature adult, and then... you get stuck behind that large white van whose driver seems to be completely oblivious of your said plans and has NO INTENTION OF USING THE CLEARLY DELINEATED PETAL ON THE RIGHT! AND, why is it that this said driver seems to instinctively know exactly where you are heading because you continue to follow them around EVERY TURN THE WHOLE ENTIRE DISTANCE TO YOUR DESTINATION!!!


Not that I can speak from personal experience on this issue or anything, but if one found themselves in this place, I would assume that this lack of control could do one of two things:

1. Create a sense of greater and greater tension... or perhaps

2. Create an opportunity for said person to pause , contemplate, and look for a perspective, perhaps an angle that might even see this obstacle as a blessing, of sorts, in their life.

So what did I do? Well... both. First, I reacted, not so maturely may I add. But, when I chose to pause, wanted to see something other than my anger, some new thoughts came to mind (can't take credit for them, remember I was just mad!) In now looking at this white van, this source of my tardiness (which wasn't actually the real source of my tardiness), I now saw it as an angel in white. I know, perhaps a bit of a stretch, but I viewed this van as a rescuer of sorts. I had grown so accustomed to breaking the law, that in the name of all things justified and comfortable, in traveling this same route day after day, my flesh arrived at the conclusion that it is my right and within my control to go as fast as I want - all in the name of being punctual! This very rule, set for my protection, became the reason to bust out of my "fence" and TO CONTINUE TO CLAIM IT AS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!

I needed this reminder to slow down. I needed to look at the anger that so easily arose in the face of this obstacle in my life. I needed to re-prioritize the consequences of being a few minutes last, over the the safety of myself and my family. I needed to take a breath. I needed to think of someone other than myself, perhaps even the object of my anger - the driver in the white van. His shepherd loves him too.

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.