They're watching

Posted by Heather Conrad at 7:49 PM

Friday, October 10, 2008

So I decided to set my alarm a little bit earlier this morning. Nope, it wasn't to go running this time, I simply wanted to be intentional about early morning time with Him. A strange occurrence happened. I was SO excited about our time together, I could hardly get to sleep. I experienced those weird dreams that seem to pull you from reality to dream world and back, but before I knew it, the alarm actually sounded. I had heard stories of people who just enjoyed delving into the Word, I just hadn't experienced that same intensity... passion... before today.

So what happened? I woke up with thoughts not my own. I nestled into my chair, turned on the light, and got lost for about 45 minutes. I spent sometime just being quiet, glanced at my prayer list, and opened to the book of Philippians, one of my favorites. My study took me to some of my favorite passages, guided me through questions and referenced other verses both from Old Testament and New. I also had an opportunity to read through some Psalms and to simply stop and reflect.

Before I continue, I want to pause for a moment. This post is not intended to waste your time in reporting about a "check mark" in my good acts column today. In fact, truth be told, the day unfolded with some pretty self-centered, ugly words spilling from my mouth towards my children, confession and forgiveness here I come. In starting this post a few times now, my heart simply desires to share an amazing picture revealed to me. About half way through my time, little person #1 silently emerged from her lair, rubbing sleep from her eyes, and curling up on the futon. Next thing I knew, a breeze blew by and a second later another breeze blew from the opposite direction. A minute later, I hear a sweet little voice whisper from across the room, "Mommy, I'm reading my Bible too." Ahhhh, nothing is sweeter than those moments when they "catch" something good, especially those times that were not "intended".

In an effort to share the "realness" of God, I humbly share yet another dot he connected for me just a few hours later. Today was a moms2moms day. A "what" you may ask? The one Friday a month in which I pause to contemplate choosing a "nice" shirt, joyfully dress my children, and head to church where a warm breakfast greets my senses and a table full of moms, eager to spend the morning together, greet one another in anticipation. One such member of the table is a mom who has walked this same journey, yet is a bit further down the road. Time is set aside for her to have a few moments to share her amazing wisdom with the rest of us "newbies". Our mentor spoke today about passion. She read a bit from a blog that described passion as something in which you become so entrenched that you don't mind passing up a meal or losing sleep over. Losing sleep over...hmmm... She also mentioned that you can tell what a person is passionate about just by listening to what they choose to say. What I talk about...

As our mentor spoke, an example popped into my mind. Just three days ago, I decided to take the girls for a fun outing to my hair stylist for them to receive the full shampoo and styling experience their poor chlorine-induced locks needed. While we were there, our stylist Ashley inquired about our moving story. As the story unfolded, she looked at me and asked, "Do you get tired of repeating this story?" With all sincerity, my response was, "No, I don't." The reason for this, I explained, is because I simply become so giddy in re-living the amazing unfolding of events. It affords me an opportunity to talk about Him, because quite honestly, I'm simply not smart enough to concoct a drama of this magnitude. She looked at me with the, "whatever you say crazy-faith lady" look, yet she continued to ask me more and more questions. Wanna guess what sound came from the back seat on the way home? You guessed it, that same sweet voice echoing, "Mommy, Jesus loves Ashley very much. Does she know it?"

To be honest, this post has taken me WAY too long to write. I found myself asking, "Lord, it this what you would have me share, or should I just call it a day? In fact, this is the second time I'm writing this because somehow it didn't save before I added the picture. I figure, either this is something Satan doesn't want written, or the movie I had planned on watching really wasn't the "best choice" for me tonight. Either way, the day's events left me with lots to ponder. What am I passionate about? What do I sacrifice sleep for? What do I talk about during my day? What do my words and actions say about what I believe? Am I aware of "who" is watching me? Have I stopped to "watch" for God events today?

Lord thank you for the opportunity to "see" the excitement of my faith growing in you. What an exciting place to be, yet humbling in knowing I'll wake up tomorrow and mess up all over again. I cling to your promises and the truth of how your love is unconditional, unfailing, and unchanging. It is not something I have to earn, but rather something I simply choose to receive. Though I don't deserve it, and can't repay it, you love me anyway. May I extend just a tiny fraction of this love to others today. Thank you for loving me.

1 comments: said...

I'm thinking our Lord must be so proud of you. Your tender heart towards him. Hearing his Holy Spirit, while at the same time drawing near to Him as your child. Teaching your children adults on on their own journey with our Heavenly Father. WOW. You have a gift. Thanks for sharing.

Roxanne (Roxx)