Posted by Heather Conrad at 11:53 AM

Friday, November 13, 2009

If there's one lesson I'm continuing to learn over and over again, it's taking my mitts off the control of the "steering" wheel in my life. I seriously think that I really know what's best - for my family, for my plans, for my agenda, for me. I am truly disillusioned in thinking that I know, when the truth of the matter is - I don't know. I can't see what's coming up in the future to really be certain the best plan for now, I can't even truly know what's best for me because I think I want something, and then I get it, and don't really even want it. Truth of the matter - then who does know? One who is limit-less. The one who created me, the one who is all-knowing, ever-present, and all powerful. Not me, and really, thank goodness. I couldn't handle all that. So if, in my head, I know God is - should not my beliefs filter into my attitude, and manifest in my behavior and actions?

One quick real-life, real-time example. Three days ago, I was having a chat with my friend Jesus, in discussing some desires I felt were lacking in my life. I recognized some depletion in a few areas. In all honesty, I had a craving for affirmation, to be appreciated. Secondly, I had a craving to be listened to, I mean, the real, eye-contact, compassionate look with questions of "How are you doing today?" Thirdly, I also had a craving to be "whisked" away, to be surprised, to be cherished, perhaps in a romantic way. At first my heart was simply in a place of acknowledgement - this is what I feel I need. What followed was very important. These needs, could have quickly turned into a justification for a pity party, and hurtful jabs and finger-pointing at one who could be fulfilling these needs and was neglectful. But before this run-away train of feelings and emotions occurred, I wanted to look at the truth.

1. If Jesus Christ is all-seeing - does He not "see" what I do even when one one else does, and in fact really appreciate and affirm my heart in all "the grunt work" that goes unnoticed by human eyes?

2. If Jesus Christ is ever present - does He truly listen to my every word, all the time? I believe He does, but is it enough for me? If I claim that He is my all sufficient, can I be satisfied with that?

3. If Jesus Christ knows my heart's desires, will he not provide those "little surprises"? If I watch, do they happen in my life all the time, perhaps not the way I think they should?

Back to my real life example. Decision time. I needed to choose. Will I focus, mull, and fester with my feelings and my rights? Will I share them with my Jesus, and leave the outcomes to Him, in fact, trust in Him and His promises? I chose the latter, not because I'm super-Christian, but I want my actions to follow my beliefs. I didn't know the outcome, but I wanted to take my hands off. Did this require that I stuff my feelings and thoughts inside? Nope, not healthy, but it did require thought, purpose, and intention. Did this response require some words? Did this require action or waiting? I'm finding that each situation is unique. This time, I spoke a few words, almost in a voice not my own. My tone spoke honesty, love, and care for a relationship in my life (not my words, but the Spirit's, bizzare and amazing at the same time.) Then, I needed to wait. By the end of the day, the matter was not resolved, but was peaceful. The following day, I released my grip on the agenda of the day, and an opportunity presented itself. Within this opportunity, I was both asked AND listened to, I was affirmed in the most meaningful way, AND there was a surprise ending that was a complete reward in and of itself - over and above, more than I could have asked for or imagined... 2 days.

Why? I took my grubby mitts off. Because I trusted Him with not only my heart, but the heart of another. Did I know the outcome, or even expect a great one? No, I was content and peaceful before the outcome presented itself. THAT'S GOD. I can't explain it any other way. I don't need to. What do you think I'm going to do when the next conflict presents itself? Yep, it's becoming more and more of a natural reaction, a re-training of sorts. Easy? Nope, yet SO truly life-changing that I can't keep quiet about it. It's starts with a first step... Who is God to you? What part is He allowed in your life? Today, will you LET Him? First, we need to know Him... Will you open that dusty book today? What IF this changes your life? What IF life could exist like this? Would it be all that bad? Click that mouse, take that step, let me know if I can be of any help.


Rachel Wojnarowski said...

Hey girl. Love this. Especially, "If I claim that He is my all sufficient, can I be satisfied with that?" So pointed and truthful. Convicting and powerful.

Anonymous said...

FANTASTIC POST! I loved it! So true and such a great point! Thank you for being so honest and providing me with life lessons along the way! I'm so blessed that God even uses blogs to get my attention and whisper in my ear!

jen said...

there you go again!! writing a post that feels like it is straight from MY heart. thank you :)

Melanie said...

Wow -- good one. I have been having lots of conversations with God this year about some hard stuff that's come into my life. I've had to get to the point and ask myself, if this never turns out the way I hope, will I still love Jesus and trust Him. Oh, how, my desire is always to say yes!
Thanks for sharing your heart.