Posted by Heather Conrad at 3:43 PM

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Strange title? I know. Especially after the God-prompted last post (be it a week ago, whew!) on marriage, but I'm not going to be writing about that kind of of separation. I simply want to attempt to share a picture God gave me through my child.

It happened one morning on our walk to school. Our youngest had brought a few dolls to hold as I pulled her in the wagon. Upon seeing these dolls, our middle child wanted to hold one of her own, so she asked for permission. Permission granted (she asked so kindly after all!) On our last leg of the journey, she asked another question, "Mommy, may I take this to school?" The answer this time? Permission not granted. I listened for opposition.... none. This is a good thing.... I glanced over to grant both eye contact and praise... this is what I saw.

Our child had retrieved her backpack, stopped her forward motion, was quickly, confidently, and peacefully unzipping her backpack and placing the doll within it's contents. Nothing like in the open disobedience! I stopped the wagon (errrrr!), bent down, gently cupped this sweet child's face in my hands, and firmly whispered, "Honey, you are disobeying Mommy." Said topic as been previously discussed numerous times, so without further adieu, I helped her retrieve the toy from said backpack. At that moment, I saw it. I saw it in her eyes, as it came from her heart - the battle.

We all know this battle, it tears at us from the moment that we are born. We want what we want and we want it right now. When we don't get what we want, we react. Now, we all know we have a choice in this matter, and it quite simply can take on one of two forms. a) We release, we surrender, we obey (our authority), or b) we turn the other way, we run, we rebel. In that moment, our child chose path b. And in choosing this, she separated herself from me. She separated from my grace, my mercy, my forgiveness, my guidance, and my unending love. In the one moment she stopped and looked back, part of her desperately wanted to come back - I saw it in her eyes - but her strong feelings wouldn't allow it. She walked into school and never looked back again.

Needless to say I felt a bit shocked at the moment. Stunned. Left standing, pondering my options, when that sweet voice whispered across my soul, "Heather, she is mine." I knew at that moment, and I turned the wagon and slowly, as if my feet weighed a ton, started to head back home (admittedly looking over my shoulder just one last time :) I realized that as a Mom, this is one of the times I needed to let go (as heart-wrenching as it is), she needed to experience a natural consequence. The consequence that comes from choosing to separate. God needed me to trust Him with her. Oh, what a picture that is for me today, as I reflected over those times I have chosen to walk away from my Father. Oh the lessons, I've learned. My character would not be what is is shaping up to be today, had it not been for those "lessons". The good news? My heavenly Father is ALWAYS there with open arms, and that's a promise.

Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Psalm 130:7
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.

Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.

Psalm 119:41
May your unfailing love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise;

Psalm 90:14
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Romans 8:39
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Lord, thank you for your unfailing love, your unchanging ways. I choose to trust them today. Thank you for allowing me to serve you, even as I pause between each sentence at the moment, asnwering one "Mommy?" question at a time. What a privilege it is to be the salt and light of the earth in humbling sharing lessons you have so emblazzened on my heart. Lord I pray for Aaron, bring him safely home tonight. Lord I thank you for healing the sicknesses in my family. Lord I thank you for your greetings each and every morning. I thank you for giving me life. May your name be praised throughout the earth.


mardeed said...

So......what happened later? :)

Roxanne Kristina said...

I like how you see gifts in all the transitions and moments.

Peace to you my friend,