I will bless your name

I woke up with a song this morning. Every so often I find myself "singing" as my first cohesive thought after being plucked from dream world. I just love when this happens, mostly because I know it's He who "put that song in my mouth", or rather in my head, saves my family from enduring the off-key notes.

I felt drawn to do some reading today, and found myself opening up to the Psalms. I grabbed my new Christmas journal, which I LOVE (thank you Emma), and found myself reminded once again how writing can be such a avenue in my relationship with my Heavenly Father (and as an outlet for myself!) It's so interesting to me as I find myself almost stepping outside of my physical body and watching what transpires. Just as some of you are drawn to your morning cup of coffee, tea, or perhaps Diet Coke, it was for me, thats same draw to drink, maybe not physically but indeed spiritually - from my living water.

Yesterday was a hard day. My mind has so many questions, my feelings ran the spectrum, my heart became hard with justice, soft with compassion, hard with a demand for answers, soft with the realization of reality, back and forth, back and forth. Through all of this processing, I found myself in one place as I lay my head down at the end of the day: HE laid me down, in fact, in green pastures - a peaceful place, one beyond my comprehension or understanding. Had the circumstances changed, did I receive any answers to my questions? Nope. But there it was, peace.

Wanna know what song was in my head? I will bless your name, I will bless your name, I will bless your name, forevermore. The exact song my broken heart physically could not sing yesterday.

Wanna know what I read this morning? Psalm 89

15 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD.
16 They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness.

I LOVE when God connects the dots like that. In choosing to focus on Him, his attributes and his promises, blessings come tenfold. Perhaps not understanding, perhaps no answers, but He hasn't promised us these things. He has promised to never leave us, nor forsake us, and for that, I am thankful. Lord, I can't thank you enough for your personal, very real love. Sandi, may you sense his love and presence like never before today. We love you!

The real stuff...

As I sat down this evening, reflecting over this truly marvelous Christmas Day - a day of many memories for the Conrad family to cherish - I was excited and prepared to share about the many marvelous gifts that God poured forth in our home today... yet I believe He has another plan. Has that ever happened to you before? With the right heart, great intentions, and all the where-with-all to carry out a plan you have for the week, the day, the moment... and... God gently nudges you to pause...pivot left (a little somthin, somthin for all you former band geeks :)

I believe He wants me to share (big surprise, I know), the not-so-pretty-stuff. If you'll bear with me, I want to step back one more day, the day before Christmas. Chalk it up to Christmas excitement (i.e. hyper-activity), a bit of frustration on my end due to this stubborn sore throat of mine, and/or staying up a little later these fun vacation days -bottom line - our son found himself sent to this room for yet again, exacerbating his sisters! His heart was bent on sheer mean-ness, consequences appeared irrelevant to him at the moment, and thoughts of anyone other than himself were the farthest thing from his mind. His directives included spending some alone time, just working it out with Jesus.

While we both cooled off :), some thoughts came to my mind. I've come to recognize certain thoughts as those given to me by Him, just as with any best friend, one simply learns to know the others' thoughts. What I was simply astounded with was my response of, "of course!" Astounded for two reasons, one - the Lord answered my prayer before I could even formulate a thought - I needed wisdom and guidance. Two - I didn't really have an answer or have it all figured out, I simply just needed to share. Share a situation that had just happened to me the day before.

You see, for no real good or apparent reason, I was simply sour. My thoughts were sour, which spilled into my heart (attitude), and if I wasn't careful (guarded), my words and tone would go there too. I recognized this gnawing, didn't like it, but also didn't really feel like doing anything about it. All the reasons in my mind justified my thoughts and actions, therefore, I definitely had a right to feel sour. Yet in the end, do these thoughts ever lead to a good place? Ever experience this mind battle? Well, God's grace simply poured forth that day because I was able to guard my tongue, avoiding the ugly spillage about to pour forth, but my heart was about the furthest thing from any fruit of the spirit, I can tell you that. Sometime that afternoon, I simply chose to pause, and ask for help. I needed a new perspective. Sounds simple, but yet again, who said it needs to be complicated?

I am no hero by any stretch, but let me tell you, I recognized that my own strength wasn't gonna get-er-done. I was feeling attacked and I needed to call for help.

Psalm 66:19
but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.

All I can tell you is that He heard, and He answered. Not long after by blatantly honest confession, this... ugliness lifted. It simply wasn't there anymore. It was like I was free to simply be... pleasant again. Very weird, very amazing. Truly emphasizes the strongholds that we slip into so easily. All this to say, I had a chance to simply share my heart with my son. To encourage Him in striving to do what is right and what is best. To praise Him for all the amazing qualities that make him Austin, and to show him that even Mommy struggles with the same sinful, selfish heart. Oh the privilege of allowing faith to be a real and daily walk, to admit my shortcomings, and to encourage him to continue in helping one another build up our faith. After reading another Karen Kingbury novel, I feel compelled to state a verse that shows up frequently in her character's lives,

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Some of my other favorites:
1 John 4:4
You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

1 John 5:5
Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

Thank you Jesus for giving me your eyes to see. In striving to know you more, you bless me with encouraging words from my husband today, refuting the very ugly thoughts that seem so real just the other day. You are good, you are real, you are true.

Thank you for sharing life with me today. Merry Christmas to you! May you find continued peace and joy in the new coming year!

In times of trouble...

I have a dear friend. Amongst the beauty, majesty, and sheer awe of this Christmas season. A time of hardship, heartache, and heart-attack has entered their home. When hard times hit, it seems as though the list of questions are long and the list of answers are hard to come by. I wonder how many are in looking into the same long, dark tunnel this season?

In my simplistic mind, when we arrive at these times, we have one of two options. We may look towards Him, or may look towards the world (for a variety of reasons), yet the choice remains. Where did my friend turn? Right into the loving, waiting arms of her Heavenly Father. The results? I'll simply let her words fall upon your heart today...

• I know our Lord has not abandoned me or our family.

• While this was not appointed by God, because of the sinful world we live in, it was allowed by Him. We may never know His purpose in this circumstance for our family, yet if it is to testify of His amazing, never-leave-your-side love and to transform our brokenness and satisfy our hungry soul and walk more closely to Him and reflect Him more clearly, Glory to God.

Can you see it? Peace. Can you read it? Hope. Has her circumstance changed? Nope. During this Christmas season, may we again take a glance at the one who literally walked the road that you travel. He knows you. In fact, He knew you even before the world began. He knew this day would arrive. He knows the plans he has for you, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans for a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) Though we can't "see" all the whys, today we can choose to stand on the hope promised and trust in His Almighty Plan. Will this take away the pain of today? We want this is our fast-paced, fix-me now-convenience based society, but the fact of the matter is, he wants us to come to Him. All of us, just as we are. How much do we as parents cherish the times our children have approached us and poured out their hearts? How much more does our Heavenly Father want to pour back into us in our times of weakness?

Lord, may our "lifesong sing to you". Praying for you my dear friend...

Girl time!

Another Christmas... another Tea. A "Tea" you say? Yes a tea. A time to pull out the rarely used china and tea pots, throw some fancy candles and some bling in the center and wha-la! A chance to get dressed up, enjoy a great meal, and lots of time to chat. What else could a girl want?

This year, as with many in the past, the Lord had an amazing plan for both Tuesday and Thursday evening. Through the heart to simply serve Him, the leadership team prayed and committed their efforts to Him, and those called to attend were richly blessed because of it. Several ladies are now able to call upon the Lord as their Savior as a gifted worship artist led us into his presence through song, poured forth her heart in an authentic way, and prayed a prayer with them as they decided to open the door to their hearts for Him. Amen!

With the amazing technology that is provided today, the lady who inspired and created the centerpiece in the above picture, now has a mom who not only can live the rest of her days in fellowship with her heavenly father, but can spend eternity forever with him. If you are a believer, the ramifications of this decision you already realize. What a time to celebrate! The reason a baby was born to us, was to carry out God's ultimate plan - death on a cross, payment for our sins, the gift of eternal life with Him! My heart prays for these new sisters as their passion for him ignites and their eyes are open for the first time to his amazing plan and wonders. To picture the celebration in heaven over the rejoicing of these new daughters is unimaginable. Thank you Jesus!

I also want to thank a special lady who simply obeyed the call on her life to serve him with all of her heart, her soul, and her mind. The beautiful voice of Gwen Smith filled the auditorium, and the spirit Himself filled her mouth with his words as she opened her heart to be used as his vessel. She's an amazing lady, with an amazing story of forgiveness and redemption. She has a big smile and even greater joy and energy that pours forth trough her God-given spunky personality. She's a song writer and an author. Check out her website, you will be blessed, www.gwensmith.net May we continue to unwrap the gift of his grace this season.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within him, to be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen
Ephesians 3:21

Fa, la, la, la, la....

It's the most wonderful time...of the year... Nothing warms my heart more lately than to hear the sweet little voices in our home singing Christmas songs. It's a contagious, joyous, excitement that quickly fills the room. There are so many things I enjoy about this time of year - the excitement of opening the ornaments box, the lights, the get-togethers, the music, reflecting on Christmas' gone past - but I have to be honest about my feelings of today (needless to say, happiness and contentment were not at the top of the list).

You see, I'm not a "shopper" by nature. I like to have a game plan, know what I'm looking for, get in and get out. My feeble attempt to "get-now-and-have-peace-early" plan is leaving me frazzled, and even more frazzled that I'm frazzled. Since I don't frequent the stores, I find myself seeing and thinking about things that I suddenly realize I "need", or that need to be replaced with newer and better (i.e. dishes I have from college that we use everyday!) But the true reality is - I have been blessed with dishes. I have been blessed to have food to put on said ugly plate, to then serve, eat, and even rinse (not really wash because that work is done by a machine!) The fact of the matter is that I don't need a thing. If I did have a need, I probably already went and bought it (sad isn't it?) So when family asks for a gift idea, saying nothing usually follows with a response of a sigh. I love finding that special, unique-to-that-person gift as a way to show my love and appreciation, and I realize others love to give in this way as well. But today, I didn't give it a moments' thought when Aaron approached me about an idea.

If you're interested, click on his blog to the right, but for $25, we each purchased a T-shirt, with proceeds feeding an orphaned child for a month - our gift to each other. There are numerous programs like this to be a part of, and I realize that gift-giving could go on and on so limits need to be in place, what I simply want to suggest to you today is ways to think outside the box. The kids and I traveled to Dollar General today, each armed with a yellow basket, and loaded up some goodies to place in a shoebox to send across the sea. Never have I been more proud and excited to watch their giving hearts as they picked out item after item. Now, the littlest one was a bit crushed to have to place all her special treats in a give-away box, but the Lord opened up an opportunity to talk about how much He has blessed us with, and how we can be a blessing to others with these given provisions (so often in abundance).

Do I feel like I've earned a gold-star in my good-Christian-box today? Nope. A few hours later, I found myself miffed at a lost opportunity for my husband and I to shop together for the kids, simple circumstantial changes, but I was disappointed all the same. As I processed with my best friend in the car (my favorite times, though I'm not exactly sure how I arrive at my destinations on occasion... not good), He brought to mind our friend Stef. With every breath this man is given, he is bringing glory to God, simply amazing. He brought him to mind very gently and kindly, no condemnation what-so-ever (as I find myself pulling guilt-trips with the kids at times), and my perspective immediately shifted. My I-have-a right-t0-feel-miffed attitude shifted to one of gratefulness and thankfulness instead of resentfulness and bitterness. How did that happen? The focus shifted off myself and into the Light. How? I asked. I received. He is faithful.

One last goodie I'd love to share if you can indulge me for one more paragraph. I have to give credit to my friend Jen (again) for a fabulous out-of-the-box concept that has made Christmas much more focused and purposeful in our home. The children each receive 3 gifts, same as Jesus. To go a bit further, we've taken a look at those 3 special gifts of gold, frankinscense, and myrrh. I recently read a post from Marybeth Whalen, a member of Proverbs 31 and she explains this concept much better than I:

• First, they get a “gold” gift. Gold is precious and priceless and highly desired. So, they get one item they really, really want! It is their gold gift.

• Next, we have frankincense. It burned and arose during prayer. It was meant to draw you close to God. So, their frankincense present is something that helps them in their walk with Christ. It can be a new Bible, a musical CD, Veggie Tales DVD or tickets to hear a concert or Christian speaker. Maybe it is a weekend youth retreat pass or a new book or leather journal that will help them in their spiritual life.
  

• Finally, we have myrrh. This was a spice that actually accompanied burial and covered a person from head to toe. So, they too get something that will go on their body. Perhaps it is a new coat, an awesome outfit they have been eyeing. For my boys it has been hunting clothes and boots or for our daughter it has been jewelry. Anything that they can wear.

• Being purposeful in limiting the amount of gifts and tying it in with that first Christmas long ago has been a bright spot in what could otherwise be a very commercial Christmas. And it has forced me, as a mom, to be intentional and creative rather than just picking up all of the latest “must-haves” of the season. You just might want to try it!

Have fun with your "giving" this year, afterall, it's more about the time and thought than anything else!

By the way, looking for an activity this weekend? Northwest Bible Church is hosting a Christmas musical that is ... simple, passionate, real. This Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at 7:00 (childcare provided), come, see, hear music and testimonies, but more than that, you may witness something just a little different - ordinary people serving an extraordinary God. "I will bless your name, I will bless your name, I will bless your name, forevermore...."